Summer is almost coming to an end and per usual I didn't get nearly as many projects done as I would like. Actually hardly any at all. Most of the time it feels like I am always waiting for something to happen, instead of just taking it by the horns and saying, "You're coming with me" I've also been in this semi funk the past couple weeks. I think that the "interview" hit me harder than I would like to admit. Every time I have it set aside and in the back of my mind, someone else seems to bring it up and it's like tearing off the band aid all over again.
Normally people being stupid doesn't bother me. I usually shrugged it off and say, "their loss". Two things bother me in this situation. 1. Their blatant rudeness and disrespect for me, especially the tone in their voices and them being condescending. 2. (and maybe the worst part that I'm having trouble getting over) I am extremely competitive in nature. I do not like to fail and do not take second place lightly. I push myself in everything I do to perfect it and be the best I possibly can. So the thought of someone else "beating" me out of this position when it has nothing to do with my background and/ or qualifications is tearing me up inside. I really am trying not to dwell on it. But I happened to talk to my mom this morning about it and it brought all my frustrations right back to the surface. I actually wasn't planning on telling her. I love my mom, but my parents do not agree with my choices in appearance and never have. I knew that telling her, she wouldn't be able to fully understand and I would get the "I told you so" sort of speech.
I am very open minded am really good at seeing both sides of every story. Like I explained to my mom, "I understand that it may not be something normal that they see every day and I can appreciate that they may be taken back by it. However, I will not tolerate someone disrespecting me and talking down to me because of it. My appearance does not make me any less intelligent." She actually was really cool about the subject. She explained her side, I explained mine.
Where I stand now...this situation made me realize how much I do not belong in corporate America inside a cubical. This situation is what is pushing me even harder with my new business. This situation and how I respond is what will define me. This situation has only made me stronger and them more ignorant.
This situation opened my eyes, took me out of my comfort zone that I had fallen into and is the catalyst for me to say, "Screw you cubical! I can't live in a box anymore"